From job interviews to presentations, first dates to wedding speeches, how can you give the air of confidence when you feel anything but? Actors share their secrets to looking confident.
Know that almost no one naturally feels confident
“I’m not confident at all,” says actor Maxine Peake. “For me, another part of the acting process is pretending to be confident.” Similarly, the actor and musician Johnny Flynn says: “It’s amazing how many actors identify as introverts.” Flynn says he hates public speaking so much that he sang instead of giving a speech when he got married. “My mum called me ‘incredibly shy’ the other day in front of a massive group of people, which made me want the ground to swallow me up. Performing for me is like going on a roller coaster; it’s the opposite of my safe space. There is an exhilarating feeling in being raw, honest and removing any kind of boundaries in front of a group of strangers.”
Embrace nerves
“I always get nervous,” says actor Maria Austin. She has just finished performing in Agathe at the Playground theatre in London. “There were five of us in the cast and we were all nervous for every performance. There is a sense that nerves are a bad thing, which they can be if you get too anxious for a long period of time. But it will be great to reform nerves as a necessary feeling of adrenaline.”
Fight fear with joy
Flynn had to deal with debilitating stage fright, which he says was caused by an incident when he was in the play Jerusalem in the West End. In one scene, he was hidden in a sofa on stage and had to burst out when Mackenzie Crook’s character blew a horn. One night, Flynn managed to get a razor burn on his face while waiting for his cue, and then began to panic and have heart palpitations for fear of being covered in blood. When he emerged, it was barely noticeable, but it started a cycle of anxiety about going on stage.
Flynn dealt with this through a combination of hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. “A thought can become your whole being, that’s the wonderful thing about the brain,” he says. “If you’re in a negative mindset, it can escalate very quickly. My therapist would say, “A drop of joy in an ocean of fear neutralizes it.” You cannot actually feel fear and joy at the same time; they are incompatible with each other.” If you can help yourself move into even the smallest bit of joy, he says, it will spread quickly: “Like food coloring in a cake, it will turn the whole thing pink.”
Learn how to hold yourself
The actor Gina Bramhill says: “At stage school you learn how you are perceived by other people – which you give away for free – so you can then build a character on that. But you can’t do that unless you understand what you have anyway.” There is “a lot of feeling your feet on the floor. Feel centered and release your knees, allowing you to move more easily. If the back of your knees are stiff, then someone can push you over, you’re so unstable.”
At the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, which Bramhill attended, she took the Alexander technique, “this is where you allow your body to be manipulated into this perfect way of standing, walking and lying down,” she says. “Once you know that, you can play a character with tension in their body. But when you come to a character with a lot of your own tension, it’s really hard to undo that and play a relaxed person.”
Smile
“For public speaking or presentations, smiling is really welcoming,” says Austin. “It puts the audience at ease. Being able to smile at people as they come in makes you more approachable and means people will naturally want to interact with you and listen to you. People should smile more in life.” Don’t be too polished, says Bramhill, because it can be “incomprehensible and off-putting”. Instead, inject a little humor and your own personality into what you say.
Focus on your breath
Breathing is simple but effective in dealing with nerves, says Flynn, who practices a combination of yoga and qigong For that. The latter “is about moving chi, or energy, around your body. If there are any blockages, it is that which manifests in physical tension, fear and anxiety.”
Austin suggests box breathing, where you inhale, hold, exhale and then hold again. “Your exhalation should be longer than your inhale, which is really important, because when you’re nervous, you don’t breathe up to your diaphragm – your breath tends to become quite shallow. Whether you are performing or just feeling anxious in the day to day, breathing tends to go very shallow and into the chest. The more we can cultivate a sense of groundedness and reassure the body that it is not in danger, the better.” Austin does this before going into an audition and says you can do it anywhere: “Nobody’s going to know what you’re doing.”
Project your voice
Breathing is also helpful for vocal projection, says Austin. “Deep breathing helps with vocal control. You don’t want to run out of breath halfway through a sentence.” Peake likes to sing or hum and do tongue twisters as a vocal warm-up: “I have a phrase, ‘Hang the still-stained sheet on the washing line,’ and before I go on every night, I just repeat and repeat it.”
Peake sometimes appears at political rallies, where she prefers to give a reading rather than make a speech. To avoid stumbling over your words, “don’t be afraid to breathe,” she says. She gives the example of Shakespeare, where there are certain beats where you can breathe. “And take your time. People are interested. I think we give our audiences short shrift sometimes. People want to listen and they want to be engaged.”
Loosen your jaw
“Relaxing the jaw is a massive one,” says Bramhill. “We have a lot of tension here.” She recommends a simple massage technique, which involves holding your jaw tightly and then placing your fingers in the space in your cheek between your teeth and your jaw. Open, make circular motions with your fingers, then open your mouth and say “ahhhh”.
Take in your audience
“Eye contact is so important,” says Peake. Even with a large crowd, this should involve “at least moving your head around and taking everyone in. Some people can get so scared that they can only fixate on one point or look above the crowd.” But the audience loves it “when people feel like you’re taking them in. It’s about connection.” Avoid eyeballing, though, says Austin. “It gets a little creepy when people don’t blink. Talk to a group of people, rather than staring at one person.”
Own the space
If you can, says Bramhill, “get to know the space in which you are performing or speaking. Get a friend or colleague to stand where you are going to stand and then go to the very back and see if they can hear you.” When you get on stage, “take your time to own the space,” even if it takes a few seconds, Peake says.
Speak slowly
“Think of the audience as about five or six,” says actor Anni Domingo, who has just appeared in Swim, aunty, swim at the Belgrade Theater in Coventry. “You tell them information they want or need to know. Then you will put it at a rate that people can understand. If you are too fast, they lose the thread and get impatient. If you’re too slow, they can’t connect the dots. That doesn’t mean you’re going to be in a voice telling them off or like it’s story time with mom: ‘Are you ready, honey? Now, let’s get started!’” It’s about getting yourself into a pace where the audience will pick up on what you’re saying.
Assume that PowerPoint will fail
“When I started, there was no PowerPoint,” says Domingo, who is often asked to give speeches. “It’s now the curse of my life. Because no matter how much you set it up, something is going to go wrong. Be prepared for this and don’t be embarrassed about it – everyone in the room understands that it happens. You just have to be calm and try it again or abandon the PowerPoint. I always have it printed in case something goes wrong.”
Think about body language on a first date
To exude confidence when dating, “show that you’re interested by actively listening,” says Austin. “Acknowledge what the person is saying with a nod of your head and make eye contact. Use open body language; don’t just bend over and look at your knees. As with public speaking, it’s really hard to connect with someone if their body language is off.” Bramhill agrees: “Be curious about the other person. Their body language, what they are wearing, then it will spark conversation. If they don’t reciprocate, you’re on the wrong date.”
Walk into interviews with positivity
“I have so many auditions,” says Bramhill. “I think, more than your average person, I have so much rejection and it’s really hard not to take it personally.” How is it best to approach an interview? “Come in with a positive frame of mind: I’m here to help you solve your problem, let’s figure it out together.” It’s just as much about training as it is somewhere you’ll feel comfortable working, she says: “Have a lot of questions up your sleeve for them.” Bramhill says she sometimes goes into auditions and imagines a light coming out of her head: “It’s a bit woo-woo, but feels really good.”
Brush your teeth
“I always have to brush my teeth,” Peake says of her pre-performance rituals. “I do not know why. It’s weird that you have these little things that you have to do.” At her last production, Robin/Red/Breast at Aviva Studios in Manchester, someone threw out the toothbrush she had left in the bathroom. When she found out, just before a performance, she was in “a blind panic”. A mock dental care will do no harm before most public engagements.
Have a sense of perspective
“I always say: ‘Be prepared: if something goes wrong, try to solve it. If you can’t solve it, it’s still not the end of the world. You can redeem yourself,’” says Domingo.
Peake says: “What’s the worst that could happen? I had the worst. I’ve been on stage and forgot my lines and completely blank. It was the second preview of A Streetcar Named Desire at the Royal Exchange in Manchester. It was a great experience in a way because I felt like the audience really got behind me.”
Don’t go for Dutch courage
“Rescue Remedy is like brandy,” says Bramhill. “I find it helps tremendously. Tom Hollander gave me and my co-star Iain De Caestecker a cheeky glass of champagne before we entered our wedding speeches [the BBC drama] We and it did give us some courage and excitement. But I wouldn’t endorse it in general.”
Dress for success
“Wear something comfortable,” says Domingo. “If you’re going to give a lecture and it’s very hot, don’t wear something that’s going to make you sweat and feel uncomfortable.” Make sure shoes are not too high or too tight, she adds, to ensure you are “comfortable in your own skin”.
Imagining that the audience is bare is a myth
“I have nightmares where I’m naked on stage,” says Peake. “I’ve forgotten my costume, I’ve forgotten my lines and I’m wandering around and people are saying, ‘You really need to change clothes,’ and I can’t get off the stage. However, I never imagined the audience naked. I missed the memo on that one.” Austin didn’t try it either. “I have ADHD [attention deficit hyperactivity disorder] and my brain would find it really disturbing,” she says. “But apparently some actors do. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable.”
Have a secret
“I think it’s nice to have a secret,” says Bramhill. “If you’re feeling nervous about a big presentation, maybe you can wear your favorite color, or you can wear your favorite pants, or a fun pair of socks.” It will mean you have a little spark that whoever you’re presenting or performing for won’t understand, she says. “Basically, wear your lucky pants!”
