From empty glasses of sherry on the mantelpiece to traces of soot leading to the bedroom door, evidence of Santa’s existence is clearly irrefutable. Yet most children will begin to question this at some point – and many parents anticipate this moment with dread. Now psychologists have identified the average age when Santa skepticism creeps in, and which children are most at risk of harboring negative feelings when it does.
While most adults have fallen for the myth that Santa doesn’t exist, many children still believe – even if the idea of a single individual visiting the homes of billions of children in a single night is at odds with their wider reasoning skills .
Dr. Candice Mills, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Dallas, USA, and a Santa Claus skeptic, said: “Children typically begin to distinguish fantasy from reality during the preschool years, but their belief in the existence of ‘ a uniquely magical Santa Claus often continues into middle childhood.”
Mills became interested in this issue when she became a parent and became “immersed in the world of promoting Santa” herself. “I felt a bit of tension about that, because on the one hand we often encourage our children to be scientific thinkers and not to deceive others, but with the Santa Claus story there is sometimes a certain thrust of the truth that goes with it.
“I was worried that I would come across as a liar to my children because I knew I felt upset that I was being lied to about [Santa].”
To better understand this shift from belief to disbelief and children’s experiences of it, Mills and her colleagues interviewed 48 six- to 15-year-olds who had stopped believing in Santa Claus and 44 of their parents, plus a further 383 adults.
The researchwhich has not yet been peer-reviewed, found that disbelief gradually crept in for most children around the age of eight – although some three- or four-year-olds convinced themselves that Santa Claus was not real, while other children believed in him until they were 15 or 16. In many cases, it was the testimony of other unbelievers that ultimately shattered their faith.
Mills said: “They may have had some skepticism based on logical reasoning – like how could Santa really come around the world in one night? – but what pushes them over the edge is a classmate at school who says he is not real.”
About a third of children and half of adults reported some negative emotions when they fell for the rumor that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Although these feelings were usually mild and short-lived, about 10% of adults reported prolonged sadness or decreased trust in their parents as a result.
Such feelings tended to be associated with suddenly learning or being told directly that Santa Claus is not real, making this discovery at an older age and having parents who strongly supported the existence of Santa Claus, e.g. . by making videos of him in their living room or leaving trails of glitter on the floor.
However, there were also many children who reported feeling happy or relieved when they gave up their faith. “It was like they solved some kind of mystery,” Mills said.
Although Santa clearly frowns on such behavior, he would be relieved to learn that, regardless of their experience, the vast majority of skeptical adults and children said they would continue the Santa tradition with their own children, or already did.
As for how Santa deniers should handle Santa-related questions when they come up, Mills suggested listening carefully to what the child is asking before answering. If they want to know how Santa fits into narrow chimneys, or gets into homes that don’t have one, they may not be ready to give up the idea of Santa Claus. Consider asking the child what they think, talking about what “some people” believe, or simply saying “that’s an interesting question”.
If asked directly if Santa is real, caregivers can also use a deviant question, such as “what do you think?” and see how the child discusses it himself. “There can be some tension sometimes because they want to keep believing in the magic, but they also want to know the truth,” Mills said. Turning it back on the child can help caregivers assess their needs at that time.
When Mills was asked this question by her own children, she initially balked, but when they said, “I want to know the truth” – Mills told them. “They were very proud of themselves and celebrated.”
Some children may also be more sensitive to being lied to than others, she added. One of the adults she interviewed said that they felt very betrayed by their parents for teaching them not to lie, but did it themselves. Mills said, “In such cases, parents can soften the blow by acknowledging their child’s feelings and talking about why they included Santa in their holiday traditions.”
